Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
