ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
