all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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