I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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