you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I want a musical about memes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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