so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i barfeds in our rink
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
