i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
