I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
