dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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