life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
