The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
