Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
