Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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