I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
