Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i've created a new STD.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
