It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize