I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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