I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
