There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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