I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
