Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
