Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
