I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
