Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
