Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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