I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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