Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
