I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
