Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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