I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
