i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
