we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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