Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
