are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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