Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
