dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
