You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
