I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
