i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
