You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
