he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
