Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
