On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
