My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and eventually we just all took our pants off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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