If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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