Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
