when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
