apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
