I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
