I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
