I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
