No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
